Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
