New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
