Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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