Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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