To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
