# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
