I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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