you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
