highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
