My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
