i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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