So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
