fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
