is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
