i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
