Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Farmville is her only friend.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
