giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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