david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
