when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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