just come out here and I will go home with you...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
