So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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