im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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