I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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