We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
