walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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