So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Life is so much better after having sex.
worst night to have a conscience
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
