this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
