i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
