her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
