Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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