Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
