I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
