alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
