perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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