Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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