so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
