Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
