Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
babies were throwing up all over the place
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
