I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
