even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
