i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
