Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
