Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
