she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
