Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
