i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
soo... how was my night?
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