Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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