I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
