Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
