2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
