oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
