So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
